is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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