just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
