Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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