i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
