You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
