You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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