We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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