she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
