I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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