Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You ever have a fart follow you around?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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