Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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