Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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