Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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