Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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