and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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