What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
