I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
