We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
