On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
