Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
