She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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