She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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