just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
