Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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