hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
