pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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