My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
