HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
