I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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