We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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