I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
They took my balls.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
