So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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