I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
