So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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