The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
