Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
