dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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