I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
