Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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