I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
