Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
