my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
