took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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