Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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