Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Couch. On fire.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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