i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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