Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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