i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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