oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
