'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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