The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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