She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
