Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
