You're completely useless in the revolution.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
